lalai

assalam

lately ive been training my ass off for masum qualifications. nak masum tu bagai kejar trophy ke ape. kebetulan pulak lately ni banyak cuti. mimi pulak semangat turun main. jd ak pn turun skli. buat shooting. kt bilik buat sit up, push up. turun ptg shooting drill lagi. tak tau la nk kata apa but wise words said. ive been training my ass off.

so the day before yesterday my knee started to hurt a bit. takut inflammation i didnt play the next day. konon nk rest seminggu tp aku la kan. mana nk tahan tgk org main msti nk main jugak. the next day main lagi. this time abdomen plak cramp. mlm tu tgn cramp. sok pgnye which is today, my abdomen, my leg semua cramp. dia bukan mcm body ache yg slalu rasa tu. this is like some stiffness, some hardiness in my muscle. its annoying and hurts.

ive been told many times before that i love basketball too much. obsess ke godio. something mcm tu la. i wont deny yep i do love basketball. honestly sometimes, too much it ruins me. it ruined my past relationship but honestly i love the game too much i dont care. gila kan? i have this need to be good as those chinese kat penang so that i can play with them. but the thing is, its not easy. bdn ak fragile, kecik, i keep getting stepped on by fieq, pushed around,*not that  its her fault* im fast yes but thats the only quality i have. oh plus aku pendek.

tu satu isu. penat asyik rasa nak hebat, asyik rasa nk kena setanding if not more than fieq. atleast. sebab dia hebat gila. and in my mind there's this hundreds of plots on how to improve, what to do in the game, smpi nauzubilah, terbwk2 dlm solat. I HAVE TO STOP. i SERIOUSLY have to stop this. stop wanting this so bad. i have to leave this, i mean, aku dah usaha sehabis baik. kalau x mana mungkin aku injure muscle semua? im lethargic now, juggling studies, cheer, basketball. makhluk game ni serap tenaga aku mcm vacuum but i dont care. how sick is that? i have to stop. kalau Allah bagi aku injury so that i refocus, Alhamdulillah! kena rantai kaki dari main kot br x main ak ni. stop. stop. stop. so what if im not the best. mcm dr lim ad ckp:

 dont try to be the best. its tiring. do your best

basketball community n malaysia is like this separate class of highschool psychology. you have these people who are really good at ball, watch NBA like its the IT thing, live in the high end city KL, they have basketball couples and the only analogy of this is like cheerleaders dating jocks in highschool. american style. jealous much? i dont know. cuz i dont know where i stand. haha. where i am in this social drama of basketball. you have ex-es in the community. complicated stuff. its really funny the whole thing.

u look at their fb and its all they talk about. ball ball and ball. dunia sendiri. i have no idea why im writing about this. but one thing's for sure, in my perspective, i pray to Allah to NOT make me like them. that i stil have some other focal point in my life. so aku kena rest and i have to STOP thinking about basketball. as of now. STOP.

basketball is NOT everything.