bismillah. salamualaykum.
ok at this stage, there are so many things I wanted to jot down, remember, like, so many times in my life I wished that I have an electronic blogger so that I can jot down my thoughts.
firstly, Masum was a, GREAT memory. I mean, the trainings were hell. literally hell, both physically mentally, emotionally. I broke down before the game sebab coach couldn't understand my blablabla. But what I wanted to remember the most is. I MAY NEVER BE THIS FIT EVER AGAIN. I mean, like, I LOVE my body now. It's as fit as a horse. A toned, horse. A toned, flexible horse. I love how I can stretch, take my wuduk, and lift my legs as if it was only sticks. I love my arms, somewhat lightly muscular. I love my abs, tak ada lemak menggelebeh. I don't know if I'll ever have these ever again. And I swear maintaining them at home, is pure hard work and even more determination. All I do is get up at 9 and start my day with stretches, lying on my bed until 11 and then I watch tv, eat cheesecakes, and lunch and I don't jog. lool.
oh and that gold we won, made me the instant kampong hero. it was a great feeling. having all these people like, 'yana champ masum dow.' meant a lot for me. and I have to thank Munny/ Mun Mun, basketball extraordinaire, she's national btw. and she is humble, smart and a great person. SHE asked me to STAY. and she persuaded me that.. MASUM, is WORTH it. her sister, is cute, funny and really carefree. pei jie is this handsome adorable, laichi caring and thoughtful and a GREAT teammate, and I HAVE to tell you about Nabilah. she might as well be the best player/person in the whole team. She started basketball at zero. and agreed to the hell-ish training by Ah Sir. (And I do MEAN the Hell-ish training. Suicide 3x, sprint 3x, SLIDES 3x, 100 pts, game, 20 pushup, 20 situp PER SESSION.) anyways, she started out at zero. and she was originally the ONLY malay to stick with the whole Chinese team. until anty and I came along. she was the best, if not as equally great to mun2, person I knew during masum season. they gave me chills and great memories for me before going to UK..
speaking of which, GLASGOW.
People ask me if I'm afraid. I say, i'm not. But I actually am. its just that, being afraid has no point. I have to do it anyway. I AM afraid. of loneliness, of awkwardness, of grades, lecturers, these mat sallehs, my house, living alone, toilets without getah, the whole package. but I cant stay here. they say everything is here. my family, friends, maybe other half.. but frankly, nothing IS for me here. its both. I don't know how to explain this but its like calling for me to go there. I can just pray that Allah will take care of me all the way. I don't know what im gonna do, who im gonna meet, where, when.. its all sort of bleary and somewhat clear that I have to go there. but I don't want to. but I have no where to go. to sum the whole feeling, I hope and pray that I'm going to be alright.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
anger management
bismillah. tarik nafas dalam2.
aku tau ni bakal rant emo jel tapi pedulik lah. dhla nak download bnde ni kemain lama. refresh2 tekan2 hentak2 laptop. i know its not a good characteristic of a wife-wannabe but screw all that now.
1st, benda yang buat aku tick off is maklong aku dok anta email22222 of her pictures in glasgow, ireland, dublin, god-knows-where, of her and my brothers kat england. heck, aku x minat la nak tau. no offense tapi buat sakit hati je nak tengok. from the bottom of my broken heart, AKU, TAKNAK, TAHU. yes i know this is a BIG DEAL for you. and i respect that. brapa kali dah bagitau anta kat wasap. anta kat wasap. fon aku ni kalau masuk email, it makes the most annoying sound. satu level atas alarm roomate aku annoyingnye. dan aku sgtlah x tahan bunyik email tu. benci. so, aku silent kan je hp tu, aku siap tanya mak aku boleh x ak ckp kt maklong ak to stop sending pictures. which brings me to my second point.
2nd, aku xhingin pun nak tgk gmbr2 oversea, makan besar2 atau gathering2 family aku. bunyik macam teruk sangat. tapi aku rasa aku x ngam dengan family aku sebab aku ni kekampungan sangat. ho la ddk kelantan, xd orang nk tgk. lainla kalau ddk US ke UK ke berduyun2 orang nak pegi. sampai nenek2 aku pegi ha. kalau kelantan ni mmg sorry la xd org hingin nk tgk. the big deal here is, anyone who makes it out of malaysia, negara gah2 ala2 uk, espaniola ke germany ke ade la org nak pegi. kalau negeri/negara bottom billion ni harap maaflah. aku dah lama rasa perasaan ni. tapi aku diam je. aku nak letak kat blog pun pk considerate sebab mungkin mengaibkan keluarga aku. tapi lately ni rasa tersisih sangat.
3rd, korang semua expect tinggi2, nak aku nikah lambat la, dapatkan phd, scholarship pastu x supportive. aku pun ada impian sendiri tau. aku nak main basketball, nak kasut basketball 150 riya jah. bukan 150 euro/pound/USD. kalau org lain nk kete oversea pun TAKDE HALL LAH. aku nak kasut pun susah. kasut yang aku guna. hari2 sampai koyak. sekian kes aku. kalau bnde yg aku minat, even simple mcm nk pg pulau ke nk wakil main bola ke, jadi ref ke, which is BIG DEAL utk aku, org mmg xamek peduli pun. xpe2. mak aku penah berpesan. LIFE DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU HONEY.
omg aku bunyik sangat tak bersyukur sekarang. i know that but now im listening to MCR-I'm not okay and I'm gonna rant all i want. esok last paper aku n i know this is not the time to be angry. but I am. i tried to be patient. pagi tadi feefa pesan kat aku suruh sayang parents, appreciate dorg. ye ye aku tau. aku cuba. but htis series of small2 incidents really ticked me.
4th. besa makan dgn ehem2 dy. aku x kisah la. tpi tu pun ticks me off. macam kalau ak tau dy kua pun buat sakit hati jugak. maybe sebab AKU TAKDE. xkisah la tu. rmi je membe lain aku xd. tp hal tu, aku xfaham kenapa ppl find me repulsive? ckp aku emo? maybe aku emo. ye aku emo. tapi ade org nk paham knp aku emo? ok la dy dga. tapi dah tu ade ke org nk paham? as in level yg put urself in MY SHOES punya level. pastu aku baru kena reject ank membe mak aku. ak x kisah pun sbb ak tau org tu rejek ak sbb ak x cukup cantik. thats INCREDIBLY NORMAL. n excuse dy INCREDIBLY LAME. "xpe la yana nak blaja lagi" hal tu ko xperlu gambar kot. i really dont mind, really. tapi u could have come up with a better excuse. and xpyh la nk bullshit aku dgn crap semua tu. aku boleh terima je kalau org ckp ak x ckp cantik.
masa ni MCR ckp "I, DONT, CARE, WE'LL CARRY ON" cheers to u MCR.
5th. ape yg ticked aku is main basketball yang sgt x sedap tadi. aku pun x paham korg nk buat ape. tgk muka sorg2 mmg dah one on one je. mmg susa la aku nk improve kalau game dah one on one. satu lagi mayb skill ak mmg ckp pun. mmg mnyesal ak passion balik basketball. mmg satu hari nt ak benti. dekat dah hari tu.
6th. aku suka laki ni. sugoi2 desu yo. mmg hari2 b4 aku tdo aku karang mcm mana aku nk confess kat dy. suka sgt kt dy level ak mcm ckp perkara bodoh dpn dy. ak x tau kalau ak confess dy terima ke rejek ke, skg dy dah ada awek ke x ke. ape ak nk dr confession ni pun ak x tau. just nak dia tahu. n mayb after that, i am ready to disappear completely from his life.
ya Allah aku tau hati aku keras. aku emo. aku cuba saabar. ramai ckp ak ad family yg best. ddk umah cntik adik beradik ramai, bahagia. tp aku ad internal conflict yang kecik, x besar, KECIK je. tu pun dh bising2. normal la family expect tinggi2 tapi x supportive. bukan aku sorang je. xkisahla orang nk pk aku ape. aku yg rasa benda ni. bukan korg rasa. so kalau nak judge aku silakan la.
lama dah nak rant. n i did it the night before my last exam of my undergraduate.
aku tau ni bakal rant emo jel tapi pedulik lah. dhla nak download bnde ni kemain lama. refresh2 tekan2 hentak2 laptop. i know its not a good characteristic of a wife-wannabe but screw all that now.
1st, benda yang buat aku tick off is maklong aku dok anta email22222 of her pictures in glasgow, ireland, dublin, god-knows-where, of her and my brothers kat england. heck, aku x minat la nak tau. no offense tapi buat sakit hati je nak tengok. from the bottom of my broken heart, AKU, TAKNAK, TAHU. yes i know this is a BIG DEAL for you. and i respect that. brapa kali dah bagitau anta kat wasap. anta kat wasap. fon aku ni kalau masuk email, it makes the most annoying sound. satu level atas alarm roomate aku annoyingnye. dan aku sgtlah x tahan bunyik email tu. benci. so, aku silent kan je hp tu, aku siap tanya mak aku boleh x ak ckp kt maklong ak to stop sending pictures. which brings me to my second point.
2nd, aku xhingin pun nak tgk gmbr2 oversea, makan besar2 atau gathering2 family aku. bunyik macam teruk sangat. tapi aku rasa aku x ngam dengan family aku sebab aku ni kekampungan sangat. ho la ddk kelantan, xd orang nk tgk. lainla kalau ddk US ke UK ke berduyun2 orang nak pegi. sampai nenek2 aku pegi ha. kalau kelantan ni mmg sorry la xd org hingin nk tgk. the big deal here is, anyone who makes it out of malaysia, negara gah2 ala2 uk, espaniola ke germany ke ade la org nak pegi. kalau negeri/negara bottom billion ni harap maaflah. aku dah lama rasa perasaan ni. tapi aku diam je. aku nak letak kat blog pun pk considerate sebab mungkin mengaibkan keluarga aku. tapi lately ni rasa tersisih sangat.
3rd, korang semua expect tinggi2, nak aku nikah lambat la, dapatkan phd, scholarship pastu x supportive. aku pun ada impian sendiri tau. aku nak main basketball, nak kasut basketball 150 riya jah. bukan 150 euro/pound/USD. kalau org lain nk kete oversea pun TAKDE HALL LAH. aku nak kasut pun susah. kasut yang aku guna. hari2 sampai koyak. sekian kes aku. kalau bnde yg aku minat, even simple mcm nk pg pulau ke nk wakil main bola ke, jadi ref ke, which is BIG DEAL utk aku, org mmg xamek peduli pun. xpe2. mak aku penah berpesan. LIFE DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU HONEY.
omg aku bunyik sangat tak bersyukur sekarang. i know that but now im listening to MCR-I'm not okay and I'm gonna rant all i want. esok last paper aku n i know this is not the time to be angry. but I am. i tried to be patient. pagi tadi feefa pesan kat aku suruh sayang parents, appreciate dorg. ye ye aku tau. aku cuba. but htis series of small2 incidents really ticked me.
4th. besa makan dgn ehem2 dy. aku x kisah la. tpi tu pun ticks me off. macam kalau ak tau dy kua pun buat sakit hati jugak. maybe sebab AKU TAKDE. xkisah la tu. rmi je membe lain aku xd. tp hal tu, aku xfaham kenapa ppl find me repulsive? ckp aku emo? maybe aku emo. ye aku emo. tapi ade org nk paham knp aku emo? ok la dy dga. tapi dah tu ade ke org nk paham? as in level yg put urself in MY SHOES punya level. pastu aku baru kena reject ank membe mak aku. ak x kisah pun sbb ak tau org tu rejek ak sbb ak x cukup cantik. thats INCREDIBLY NORMAL. n excuse dy INCREDIBLY LAME. "xpe la yana nak blaja lagi" hal tu ko xperlu gambar kot. i really dont mind, really. tapi u could have come up with a better excuse. and xpyh la nk bullshit aku dgn crap semua tu. aku boleh terima je kalau org ckp ak x ckp cantik.
masa ni MCR ckp "I, DONT, CARE, WE'LL CARRY ON" cheers to u MCR.
5th. ape yg ticked aku is main basketball yang sgt x sedap tadi. aku pun x paham korg nk buat ape. tgk muka sorg2 mmg dah one on one je. mmg susa la aku nk improve kalau game dah one on one. satu lagi mayb skill ak mmg ckp pun. mmg mnyesal ak passion balik basketball. mmg satu hari nt ak benti. dekat dah hari tu.
6th. aku suka laki ni. sugoi2 desu yo. mmg hari2 b4 aku tdo aku karang mcm mana aku nk confess kat dy. suka sgt kt dy level ak mcm ckp perkara bodoh dpn dy. ak x tau kalau ak confess dy terima ke rejek ke, skg dy dah ada awek ke x ke. ape ak nk dr confession ni pun ak x tau. just nak dia tahu. n mayb after that, i am ready to disappear completely from his life.
ya Allah aku tau hati aku keras. aku emo. aku cuba saabar. ramai ckp ak ad family yg best. ddk umah cntik adik beradik ramai, bahagia. tp aku ad internal conflict yang kecik, x besar, KECIK je. tu pun dh bising2. normal la family expect tinggi2 tapi x supportive. bukan aku sorang je. xkisahla orang nk pk aku ape. aku yg rasa benda ni. bukan korg rasa. so kalau nak judge aku silakan la.
lama dah nak rant. n i did it the night before my last exam of my undergraduate.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
post viva & oneofthosestupidthingsididbeforethinking
bismillah. salam
*pure emotional rant*
*pure emotional rant*
- my viva left me empty, disappointed. disappointed with my lecturer sebab sort of abandoned aku dari awal till this very end. I dont know if its my place to complain because dia guru n she provided me with ideas and the money and such but i swear aku jealous gila tgk dr lain syg student, n so encouraging and rich with emotional and academic support.
- aku geram kena tembak dgn sln statistic which i am actually capable to answer but i didnt understand at first n i answered like a stupid dumdum.
- ak geram dgn mirza. comel gila.
- aku geram dengan diri sendiri, dengan hati aku, dgn akal fikiran aku.
- AKU GERAM GERAM GERAM WHYY EVERYTIME SOMETHING BIG IN MY LIFE IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN HE JUST POPS OUT OF NOWHERE AND MADE ME CACA MERBA
- talking about caca merba. AKU GERAM DGN ORANG2 ACADEMICS YANG ILMU TINGGI , CAKAP ENGLISH MANTAP TAPI BONGKAK. hello. ilmu tu Allah yang bagi. n everytime i see people macam ni, i pray that i dont grow to be like them.
I KNOW IM A MESS BUT I PROMISE TO MYSELF AGAIN AND AGAIN, HELLO MISTER, I LIKE YOU BUT I SWORE TO MYSELF THAT I WILL, WILL WILL TRY MY VERY BEST TO FORGET YOU AND I PRAY THAT IF YOU'RE NOT DESTINED TO BE MY HUSBAND, I PRAY THAT ALLAH WILL TAKE YOU OUT OF MY LIFE.
but i trust Allah and i know that ALLAH WANTS TO SEE MY EFFORTS IN PUTTING HIM FIRST BEFORE YOU.
I PRAY THAT I WILL LOVE ALLAH BEFORE YOU, BEFORE MY FINAL YEAR PROJECT, BEFORE MY FAMILY AND THEIR EXPECTATIONS AND THAT I WILL REMEMBER HIM IN EVERY WAY AND EVERY THING I DO.
and I know for sure, that Allah values my efforts.
so, WHAT EVER THE OUTCOME IS, I CAN RIP KNOWING I DID MY BEST, AND I REMEMBERED ALLAH IN EVERYTHING I DO.
Monday, May 20, 2013
alone
Bismillah. Salam.
Ada pepatah dalam buku 'Cinta kerana Allah' seseorang itu lebih bagus sebab bila kita seorang, kita lebih cnederung untuk ingat Allah. Aku x ingat tang mana aku baca tapi there's this one part, ada seorang ahli sufi ni menyatakan bahawa dia lebih rela tidak popular, x ada kawan ramai kalau itu mendekatkan diri dia dengan Allah.
God knows I have not reached that level yet.
Nowadays, I spend most of my time alone. With the mp3. With Sara Bareilles. Hopefully, di hati, more with Allah. I don;t know my proportions kat mana. Ada ingat kat basketball, FYP, holidays, men, kawan.. blablabla.
But for now, when I have problems, because I don;t spend my time much with my friends anymore, I don;t know how or if I should tell them. Maybe I'm afraid of disapproval. Maybe I'm afraid of being rejected. Like for example, I tell them about my dilemma and all they do is just stare at the laptop. Or they disagree. But it's normal to disagree with something. And then there's this part where aku just nak teman. you know? Someone to just be funny and sole intention when she/he goes out with me is to make me happy.
Like okay. You picked me up, I know you're having a bad day. I might not agree with some of the things you say and Yana, you swear a little too much but I'm gonna be here for you and make you happy anyways. Oh and I'm NOT gonna say this to you but I hope that with my presence, you know that I am here for you.
I'll literally die for this person. This person is actually God. Why? because God knows what's in our hearts, understands us doesn't even agree or disagree with us because He set the rules and we just obey or disobey it. But Dear, Great Lord, O Allah. Do know that I long for a company that understands me better than my Ma or Besa. That can be there for me in times of hardship and in triumph.
Dear Lord, I wish for a man. Haha. as much as stupid as it sounds, it's a wish, a deep deep wish. And Allah knows if it's best for me or not. But I'll trust Him you know. He knows best. He knows that it is best I spend my time alone. He knows it is best I eat my dinner alone, do my work alone, cry alone, and whatsoever alone.
Ada pepatah dalam buku 'Cinta kerana Allah' seseorang itu lebih bagus sebab bila kita seorang, kita lebih cnederung untuk ingat Allah. Aku x ingat tang mana aku baca tapi there's this one part, ada seorang ahli sufi ni menyatakan bahawa dia lebih rela tidak popular, x ada kawan ramai kalau itu mendekatkan diri dia dengan Allah.
God knows I have not reached that level yet.
Nowadays, I spend most of my time alone. With the mp3. With Sara Bareilles. Hopefully, di hati, more with Allah. I don;t know my proportions kat mana. Ada ingat kat basketball, FYP, holidays, men, kawan.. blablabla.
But for now, when I have problems, because I don;t spend my time much with my friends anymore, I don;t know how or if I should tell them. Maybe I'm afraid of disapproval. Maybe I'm afraid of being rejected. Like for example, I tell them about my dilemma and all they do is just stare at the laptop. Or they disagree. But it's normal to disagree with something. And then there's this part where aku just nak teman. you know? Someone to just be funny and sole intention when she/he goes out with me is to make me happy.
Like okay. You picked me up, I know you're having a bad day. I might not agree with some of the things you say and Yana, you swear a little too much but I'm gonna be here for you and make you happy anyways. Oh and I'm NOT gonna say this to you but I hope that with my presence, you know that I am here for you.
I'll literally die for this person. This person is actually God. Why? because God knows what's in our hearts, understands us doesn't even agree or disagree with us because He set the rules and we just obey or disobey it. But Dear, Great Lord, O Allah. Do know that I long for a company that understands me better than my Ma or Besa. That can be there for me in times of hardship and in triumph.
Dear Lord, I wish for a man. Haha. as much as stupid as it sounds, it's a wish, a deep deep wish. And Allah knows if it's best for me or not. But I'll trust Him you know. He knows best. He knows that it is best I spend my time alone. He knows it is best I eat my dinner alone, do my work alone, cry alone, and whatsoever alone.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
AJ4
Bismillah. Salam.
When I was 18, aku kenal seorang senior aku yang main basketball. Orang panggil dy Cipot. Dy pakai kasut Air Jordan Retro series, warna merah, hitam, putih. And I'll never forget what it looked like. I really liked it. But she had miniature sized feet and she wore children sized shoes. I can't tho. My feet are fat and long. Macam hobbit.
I saw and fell in love with this shoe here. I've always wanted an Air Jordan Retro. Masa Paris pun hampir beli but I didn't get the chance sebab wallet aku kena curi. All money lost, credit cards kaput, gone, poof.
Memang tak ada rezeki agaknya. I told my Ma, I want an Air Jordan for my hantaran. Tell my future husband I want an Air Jordan for hantaran. Not some high-heel shoes whose brand I don't know who. I only recognize Jimmy Choo. Itupun dari lagu.
Anyways, got another chance to buy. I could just buy one now. with My money. But I didn't. Why? Cause' I was too scared. Orang kata aku tiru Paez la, kasut aku dah banyak, semua elok. So why should I buy new shoes? It's just something I want. Not need kan? Baik derma duit ke anak yatim. 150 from Air Jordan to that Palestinian fund.
Air Jordan Retro will be something I've always wanted, admired, love. Something so close but so far. Something I dream of. Close to never having it. Something I wish for.
When I was 18, aku kenal seorang senior aku yang main basketball. Orang panggil dy Cipot. Dy pakai kasut Air Jordan Retro series, warna merah, hitam, putih. And I'll never forget what it looked like. I really liked it. But she had miniature sized feet and she wore children sized shoes. I can't tho. My feet are fat and long. Macam hobbit.
I saw and fell in love with this shoe here. I've always wanted an Air Jordan Retro. Masa Paris pun hampir beli but I didn't get the chance sebab wallet aku kena curi. All money lost, credit cards kaput, gone, poof.
Memang tak ada rezeki agaknya. I told my Ma, I want an Air Jordan for my hantaran. Tell my future husband I want an Air Jordan for hantaran. Not some high-heel shoes whose brand I don't know who. I only recognize Jimmy Choo. Itupun dari lagu.
Anyways, got another chance to buy. I could just buy one now. with My money. But I didn't. Why? Cause' I was too scared. Orang kata aku tiru Paez la, kasut aku dah banyak, semua elok. So why should I buy new shoes? It's just something I want. Not need kan? Baik derma duit ke anak yatim. 150 from Air Jordan to that Palestinian fund.
Air Jordan Retro will be something I've always wanted, admired, love. Something so close but so far. Something I dream of. Close to never having it. Something I wish for.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Mother's Day
Bismillah. Salam.
My ma, is an iron woman. Dia adalah seseorang yang no-nonsense, no-crap, no-stupid-errors, no-carelessness kind of thing. Dad says she's a robot. When she was young, Dad told me ma used to party hard and study smart. She spent time in libraries and when she finishes studying, she knows how to have fun. She's also somewhat street-smart.Like, guys who have all these pick-up lines and she'll be like, give em a run for their money. And like, Be Gone!
Ma is strict, stern and sharp. She is feared in the office, she interviews job applicants, and she retired as a Senior manager. Something goes wrong and she'll go nuts and screw you like crazy. All my friends are scared of her.
She is constantly scolding something or someone in the house, she is intimidating and she is smart. She goes like "Kenapa balik lambat??!?!" and the next second she'll be watching TV eating Rev Velvets and saying cutenyee penguin tu! Yes. her fav animal is the penguin and she still keeps all her love letters from Ayah. And that is saying something.
When I come to her with a problem, she doesn't provide sympathy. She gives no-nonsense solutions. When I ask for a hug, she'll be like, hmm or ish ape ni ibu tengah buat keje. Something like that. The ONLY time she actually offered me a hug when I really needed one was during my first huge breakup. And she bought me cakes and gave me my first life-lesson-principle. Heartbreaks = Cakes.
She isn't that typical mother stereotype, one that is like, awww and I'll love you no matter what-sentences. One day I got home from shopping and she sees my dress I bought for dinner and she's like "What kind of crap is that?? I'll buy u a new one!" I don't know how to react to this but being her daughter for 24 years I learnt how to do so. I replied with a simple, OK.
Ma gets cross if I spend too much time out of the house, with my friends. Ma forgets I'm now 24. ma forgets that I love hugs. But Ma is Ibu and vice versa and she has that soft side inside her I know she keeps for certain special moments.Like when my sis is not around for raya for the first time, she cried.
Ma is a no-nonsense kind of woman.No-crap whatsoever.
My ma, is an iron woman. Dia adalah seseorang yang no-nonsense, no-crap, no-stupid-errors, no-carelessness kind of thing. Dad says she's a robot. When she was young, Dad told me ma used to party hard and study smart. She spent time in libraries and when she finishes studying, she knows how to have fun. She's also somewhat street-smart.Like, guys who have all these pick-up lines and she'll be like, give em a run for their money. And like, Be Gone!
Ma is strict, stern and sharp. She is feared in the office, she interviews job applicants, and she retired as a Senior manager. Something goes wrong and she'll go nuts and screw you like crazy. All my friends are scared of her.
She is constantly scolding something or someone in the house, she is intimidating and she is smart. She goes like "Kenapa balik lambat??!?!" and the next second she'll be watching TV eating Rev Velvets and saying cutenyee penguin tu! Yes. her fav animal is the penguin and she still keeps all her love letters from Ayah. And that is saying something.
When I come to her with a problem, she doesn't provide sympathy. She gives no-nonsense solutions. When I ask for a hug, she'll be like, hmm or ish ape ni ibu tengah buat keje. Something like that. The ONLY time she actually offered me a hug when I really needed one was during my first huge breakup. And she bought me cakes and gave me my first life-lesson-principle. Heartbreaks = Cakes.
She isn't that typical mother stereotype, one that is like, awww and I'll love you no matter what-sentences. One day I got home from shopping and she sees my dress I bought for dinner and she's like "What kind of crap is that?? I'll buy u a new one!" I don't know how to react to this but being her daughter for 24 years I learnt how to do so. I replied with a simple, OK.
Ma gets cross if I spend too much time out of the house, with my friends. Ma forgets I'm now 24. ma forgets that I love hugs. But Ma is Ibu and vice versa and she has that soft side inside her I know she keeps for certain special moments.Like when my sis is not around for raya for the first time, she cried.
Ma is a no-nonsense kind of woman.No-crap whatsoever.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
3S
bismillah. >.<
3S is the ultimate 24 motto. Single, Sexy and Smart.
Yes yes I know ini semua duniawi. But it's just an idea I had in my head for days and kinda changed how I see things not to mention my spending principles.
We only stay young or literally are young physically once. And that young period, your best time of your life, that period where you can eat the night away, like Red Velvets and Cheesecakes and steak and then workout to get that awesome bod. You are physically fit. You can run and sweat like a pig. You are able to do so. Sure you get some fat here and there, but the point is, you can workout to get back in shape.
I am, 24. And at the peak of my physical whatever-ness. I have muscles, I can sprint and ball like a 20 year old. I think I have a decent nice body and I love my hair. I love it when I wear shorts and singlets. I just love that feeling. So, I splurged on lace, neon-colored, printed underwear, singlets and colorful skirts and pants. Aim, sexy feeling.
I am also single. And I don't really feel that need to dress up so that I'll get someone to notice me. Honestly, I only get self conscious when I am WITH someone. Like, I need to dress to impress him. But since now, I'm just me when I go out, I'm not defined by my partner, I just look like me. I can be really selekeh at times and sometimes I feel like dressing up, just for myself, just to feel pretty and decent, I dress up. Being decent for myself. I didn't buy that winning prom dress or colorful skirts or that printed shawls to impress others. I did it because I wanted to feel decent on my own. It's personal satisfaction.
So, the smart part. I think it's important that girls DO NOT become bimbos. Like men, are somewhat accepted even if their dumb. Its such a norm that, when you see a smart guy, it becomes a plus point. But being a woman, you need intelligence, wit and charm to protect yourself. Against assholes and such. Example. You do not settle or should feel nice when a guy ogles you or tells you your butt is nice. Maybe you say tq but make sure to bitch slap him after you express your gratitude. Being smart for me also requires a lot of reading. More time doing work. Finding money. And less time on the phone and especially reducing the amount pictures of yourself on Instagram. Smart girls are not attached to the world. They do not live up to other peoples expectations, are not defined by them, and are incredibly independent.
3S is the ultimate 24 motto. Single, Sexy and Smart.
Yes yes I know ini semua duniawi. But it's just an idea I had in my head for days and kinda changed how I see things not to mention my spending principles.
We only stay young or literally are young physically once. And that young period, your best time of your life, that period where you can eat the night away, like Red Velvets and Cheesecakes and steak and then workout to get that awesome bod. You are physically fit. You can run and sweat like a pig. You are able to do so. Sure you get some fat here and there, but the point is, you can workout to get back in shape.
I am, 24. And at the peak of my physical whatever-ness. I have muscles, I can sprint and ball like a 20 year old. I think I have a decent nice body and I love my hair. I love it when I wear shorts and singlets. I just love that feeling. So, I splurged on lace, neon-colored, printed underwear, singlets and colorful skirts and pants. Aim, sexy feeling.
I am also single. And I don't really feel that need to dress up so that I'll get someone to notice me. Honestly, I only get self conscious when I am WITH someone. Like, I need to dress to impress him. But since now, I'm just me when I go out, I'm not defined by my partner, I just look like me. I can be really selekeh at times and sometimes I feel like dressing up, just for myself, just to feel pretty and decent, I dress up. Being decent for myself. I didn't buy that winning prom dress or colorful skirts or that printed shawls to impress others. I did it because I wanted to feel decent on my own. It's personal satisfaction.
So, the smart part. I think it's important that girls DO NOT become bimbos. Like men, are somewhat accepted even if their dumb. Its such a norm that, when you see a smart guy, it becomes a plus point. But being a woman, you need intelligence, wit and charm to protect yourself. Against assholes and such. Example. You do not settle or should feel nice when a guy ogles you or tells you your butt is nice. Maybe you say tq but make sure to bitch slap him after you express your gratitude. Being smart for me also requires a lot of reading. More time doing work. Finding money. And less time on the phone and especially reducing the amount pictures of yourself on Instagram. Smart girls are not attached to the world. They do not live up to other peoples expectations, are not defined by them, and are incredibly independent.
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