justifications for results - third year 1st semester

assalamualaikum

when i looked back at my post- makin hari makin tak ada mood- i realized how little effort i put into my exams. i wasnt focused. my heart literally and physically was in pain. distractions all over the place. and i did not focus. ill say that again. no focus, did not focus, nada focus on my exams. when all priority should be given to exams, i didnt. i gave it to something else. this is like some song taylor swift sang. fifteen.

but now when i was about to get my results, i knew its not gonna be a nice one. because i knew how much effort i put in. i knew what my head was thinking when i was in that hall. and though most of my friends would say. kau hebat terror and what not, ill break it down to you. mulut wa slalu cakap lebat. and in class ideas come in like snap. but i tell you again. i. did. not. focus. during my finals last sem.

i didnt want to see my results. but i kept thinking about it. wondering. longing to know. so i gathered courage anyway. so i got my results.

Mashaallah. memang Allah Maha Besar.

I didnt get good results. I didnt get bad ones either. and of 6 subjects i got. the A's and B's got split into half. and produced some kind of balance called second chance. my past PNGK did not change. at all. and talking about png's, this sem's was a tad higher alhamdulillah. but not enough to change my PNGK. i'll repeat that. PNGK did not change.

I had sinned by letting myself lose myself during my finals. and i learnt a very important lesson. and it seems to me its one a need to use right away when i start my new sem. that lesson girls, is, education, or whatever your priority may be at this time is the most important thing now. and no matter what great distractions that comes, push them aside and refocus. mine came in a form of a great guy and game.

im not regretting anything. my actions and what not. had i not lose my focus back then, i may lose it in the future. i may have not learn this lesson. it wasnt anyone or anything's fault i lost my chance this time to shine. it was mine. i did this much effort, and i prayed this much to Allah and i got this much for my results. Najah said to me maybe we cannot see why Allah made things happen the way they did now. but insyaallah in the end, we'll understand why. and now i think i get the small picture.

so here's to my unnerving results. Alhamdullillah. and to my distractions. past and future. May Allah grant me the strength to push you aside and realize what's more important.