Blogging is one of the places where i go and put all my thoughts, feelings without holding back. and there are so many times where when i finish blogging, i post it. I continue working and I re-open my blog, and delete it. Because I know its the internet and people read it (sometimes) and I might offend anyone. but then i chenged the privacy but at the same time, I WANT people to know what I'm thinking.
Because aku bercita2 untuk menjadi journalist dan mengubah pemikiran manusia ke arah yang lebih optimistik dan positif. (WORD)
But this time around i'm just letting this one out. I'm sorry if what i'll be saying offends anyone. (if anyone reads this) I promised a happy blog but this though has been on my mind for several days. and I need to let it out.
I. am. a person who is.. changing. I used to be this and that but now, I'm changing. I'm wearing dresses. aku start pakai stokin. balik rumah aku rasa gatal nk memasak. aku dh berani angkat2 babies yg lembik2 tu. aku dh slow down main basketball. I'm HAPPY being single. genuinely happy. thanks to Besa and Kepoul and Mami. spending time with them over the weekend, made me think that, I am, now, the happiest person I can be. i dont have to think of anyone, WANT to think of anyone, and my phone bills are GREATLY reduced.
so many people need to post stuff like single is simple la bla bla bla. we dont really have to Emphasize or go emo mode mcm aku bnci lelaki ni tu. or be sad dan post2 dan post bnde2 mcm terluka ni dan itu. orang tahu. dan orang akan take advantage. or pk macam2 tntg kita. biarlah sedih, or marah kita tu, share dgn Allah. I mean, sure.. u NEED to share it with your close friends, family. because they give you support. but, dont be sad for too long.
I read a book titled 'Bercinta kerana Allah' because i honestly dont know how to love because of Allah. people say bila kita cinta kerana Allah, cinta meaning, cinta hidup, pekerjaan, manusia, keluarga dan kawan2, semunye lah. kerana Allah, semua jadi berkah, hidup jadi senang, hati tak rasa sakit. there's a saying that goes a little like this. and it was emphasized in almost all the chapters:
Cintalah dan Marahlah kerana Allah
kenapa kita marah? kenapa kita memberontak? sedih? sebab kawan tinggalkan kita ke? sbb kt kena isolate dgn budak kelas ke? sbb pakwe lari ke? sebab mak ayah lebihkan adik beradik yg pergi oversea ke? kalau di sisi Islam, berdosa ke semua tu?
tak.
then, kenapa kita nk marah?
kne tinggal kawan. kena isolate. populariti merundum. its okay. more alone time, lebih banyak kita igt Allah. Allah rindu kta. manusia standet la time susah baru nk igt Allah. kte malu nk ngaku hal ni. but its the ugly truth.
pakwe lari, tipu, cheat. countless of failed relationships. rupa yang xcantik. xcukup lembut utk orang. xcukup ni, itu. lelaki xpandang. perempuan lain lebih cantik dsb. kita nk rebut mata siapa snanye. Allah ke manusia? Aku selalu lupa hal ni. selalu sangat. kdg2 bila teringat ex ex tu. wished i was with someone, aku pk balik. kalau ak dgn si fulan skg ni aku nk buat ape? date? then? dpt ape? kawin? ready ke aku? dia? boleh ke aku jaga dia? dia jaga aku? nk buat ape? baik aku pg holiday dgn budak2 skola aku yg sengal. or pg round2 Johor dgn anty, alin, fiq semua mkn nasi ayam penyet memekak lagu BigBang. oh baru la Life.
parents? haha. issue ni special sikit. iqa paham aku. i've read somewhere, anak sulung, selalu kurang dimanjakan. expected to be the best. yg contoh. kalau slack sulung, habis la kau. memang mak bapak xpndg. ko buat ape pun, xckp utk dorg. its like, U'LL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM. OR ANYONE for that matter. tapi... Allah nampak usaha kita. again, keredhaan siapa yg kita kejar? mak ayah or Allah? mmg kejar mak ayah jugak. tp kita dh usaha. kalau depa xpndg gak, still anggap kita xcukup bagus utk dorg, terpulang. hati manusia lain2. tapi usaha kita, Allah tetap tahu.
ada saying ni, kalau kita redha dgn ketentuan Allah, Allah akan balas keredhaan kita dgn sesuatu yg tidak kita jangka. cm suprise la kononnye kot. tinggal sabar je.
niat aku nk share pendapat je. and I know everyone needs time to move on. or that period to just be angry and rebel. people say time heals. but actually, Allah heals. even eternity wont permit something to heal if it is not within the decree of Allah.
La tahzan kawan2.. Allah bagi peluang utk kt tnjukkn betape tuffnye kite. jgn sia2kn peluang ni. aaand my 30 minutes are up. im sorry if i offended anyone i promise i didnt mean to. Peace be upon you.
2 comments:
perfectly written..
thank..post ni somehow reminds me of myself back then..few month or I guess few years back..
Yup, anty pn skang genuinely happy to be single and tgh belajar nak jadi lebih matang..wlpn umor da tua tp x baper nak matang lagi..haha.. (_ _)'''
Sebijik sebijik , satu satu pap pap pappp kena batng hidung ni .
Thankyou kak yana for posting this :')
I appreciate this :)
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