post viva & oneofthosestupidthingsididbeforethinking

bismillah. salam

*pure emotional rant*

1. my viva left me empty, disappointed. disappointed with my lecturer sebab sort of abandoned aku dari awal till this very end. I dont know if its my place to complain because dia guru n she provided me with ideas and the money and such but i swear aku jealous gila tgk dr lain syg student, n so encouraging and rich with emotional and academic support.
2. aku geram kena tembak dgn sln statistic which i am actually capable to answer but i didnt understand at first n i answered like a stupid dumdum.
3. ak geram dgn mirza. comel gila.
4. aku geram dengan diri sendiri, dengan hati aku, dgn akal fikiran aku.
5. AKU GERAM GERAM GERAM WHYY EVERYTIME SOMETHING BIG IN MY LIFE IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN HE JUST POPS OUT OF NOWHERE AND MADE ME CACA MERBA
6. talking about caca merba. AKU GERAM DGN ORANG2 ACADEMICS YANG ILMU TINGGI , CAKAP ENGLISH MANTAP TAPI BONGKAK. hello. ilmu tu Allah yang bagi. n everytime i see people macam ni, i pray that i dont grow to be like them.

I KNOW IM A MESS BUT I PROMISE TO MYSELF AGAIN AND AGAIN, HELLO MISTER, I LIKE YOU BUT I SWORE TO MYSELF THAT I WILL, WILL WILL TRY MY VERY BEST TO FORGET YOU AND I PRAY THAT IF YOU'RE NOT DESTINED TO BE MY HUSBAND, I PRAY THAT ALLAH WILL TAKE YOU OUT OF MY LIFE. 

but i trust Allah and i know that ALLAH WANTS TO SEE MY EFFORTS IN PUTTING HIM FIRST BEFORE YOU.

I PRAY THAT I WILL LOVE ALLAH BEFORE YOU, BEFORE MY FINAL YEAR PROJECT, BEFORE MY FAMILY AND THEIR EXPECTATIONS AND THAT I WILL REMEMBER HIM IN EVERY WAY AND EVERY THING I DO.

and I know for sure,  that Allah values my efforts. 

so, WHAT EVER THE OUTCOME IS, I CAN RIP KNOWING I DID MY BEST, AND I REMEMBERED ALLAH IN EVERYTHING I DO.