anger management

bismillah. tarik nafas dalam2.

aku tau ni bakal rant emo jel tapi pedulik lah. dhla nak download bnde ni kemain lama. refresh2 tekan2 hentak2 laptop. i know its not a good characteristic of a wife-wannabe but screw all that now.

1st, benda yang buat aku tick off is maklong aku dok anta email22222 of her pictures in glasgow, ireland, dublin, god-knows-where, of her and my brothers kat england. heck, aku x minat la nak tau. no offense tapi buat sakit hati je nak tengok. from the bottom of my broken heart, AKU, TAKNAK, TAHU. yes i know this is a  BIG DEAL for you. and i respect that. brapa kali dah bagitau anta kat wasap. anta kat wasap. fon aku ni kalau masuk email, it makes the most annoying sound. satu level atas alarm roomate aku annoyingnye. dan aku sgtlah x tahan bunyik email tu. benci. so, aku silent kan je hp tu, aku siap tanya mak aku boleh x ak ckp kt maklong ak to stop sending pictures. which brings me to my second point.

2nd, aku xhingin pun nak tgk gmbr2 oversea, makan besar2 atau gathering2 family aku. bunyik macam teruk sangat. tapi aku rasa aku x ngam dengan family aku sebab aku ni kekampungan sangat. ho la ddk kelantan, xd orang nk tgk. lainla kalau ddk US ke UK ke berduyun2 orang nak pegi. sampai nenek2 aku pegi ha. kalau kelantan ni mmg sorry la xd org hingin nk tgk. the big deal here is, anyone who makes it out of malaysia, negara gah2 ala2 uk, espaniola ke germany ke ade la org nak pegi. kalau negeri/negara bottom billion ni harap maaflah. aku dah lama rasa perasaan ni. tapi aku diam je. aku nak letak kat blog pun pk considerate sebab mungkin mengaibkan keluarga aku. tapi lately ni rasa tersisih sangat.

3rd, korang semua expect tinggi2, nak aku nikah lambat la, dapatkan phd, scholarship pastu x supportive. aku pun ada impian sendiri tau. aku nak main basketball, nak kasut basketball 150 riya jah. bukan 150 euro/pound/USD. kalau org lain nk kete oversea pun TAKDE HALL LAH. aku nak kasut pun susah. kasut yang aku guna. hari2 sampai koyak. sekian kes aku. kalau bnde yg aku minat, even simple mcm nk pg pulau ke nk wakil main bola ke, jadi ref ke, which is BIG DEAL utk aku, org mmg xamek peduli pun. xpe2. mak aku penah berpesan. LIFE DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU HONEY.

omg aku bunyik sangat tak bersyukur sekarang. i know that but now im listening to MCR-I'm not okay and I'm gonna rant all i want. esok last paper aku n i know this is not the time to be angry. but I am. i tried to be patient. pagi tadi feefa pesan kat aku suruh sayang parents, appreciate dorg. ye ye aku tau. aku cuba. but htis series of small2 incidents really ticked me.

4th. besa makan dgn ehem2 dy. aku x kisah la. tpi tu pun ticks me off. macam kalau ak tau dy kua pun buat sakit hati jugak. maybe sebab AKU TAKDE. xkisah la tu. rmi je membe lain aku xd. tp hal tu, aku xfaham kenapa ppl find me repulsive? ckp aku emo? maybe aku emo. ye aku emo. tapi ade org nk paham knp aku emo? ok la dy dga. tapi dah tu ade ke org nk paham? as in level yg put urself in MY SHOES punya level. pastu aku baru kena reject ank membe mak aku. ak x kisah pun sbb ak tau org tu rejek ak sbb ak x cukup cantik. thats INCREDIBLY NORMAL. n excuse dy INCREDIBLY LAME. "xpe la yana nak blaja lagi" hal tu ko xperlu gambar kot. i really dont mind, really. tapi u could have come up with a better excuse. and xpyh la nk bullshit aku dgn crap semua tu. aku boleh terima je kalau org ckp ak x ckp cantik.

masa ni MCR ckp "I, DONT, CARE, WE'LL CARRY ON" cheers to u MCR.

5th. ape yg ticked aku is main basketball yang sgt x sedap tadi. aku pun x paham korg nk buat ape. tgk muka sorg2 mmg dah one on one je. mmg susa la aku nk improve kalau game dah one on one. satu lagi mayb skill ak mmg ckp pun. mmg mnyesal ak passion balik basketball. mmg satu hari nt ak benti. dekat dah hari tu.

6th. aku suka laki ni. sugoi2 desu yo. mmg hari2 b4 aku tdo aku karang mcm mana aku nk confess kat dy. suka sgt kt dy level ak mcm ckp perkara bodoh dpn dy. ak x tau kalau ak confess dy terima ke rejek ke, skg dy dah ada awek ke x ke. ape ak nk dr confession ni pun ak x tau. just nak dia tahu. n mayb after that, i am ready to disappear completely from his life.

ya Allah aku tau hati aku keras. aku emo. aku cuba saabar. ramai ckp ak ad family yg best. ddk umah cntik adik beradik ramai, bahagia. tp aku ad internal conflict yang kecik, x besar, KECIK je. tu pun dh bising2. normal la family expect tinggi2 tapi x supportive. bukan aku sorang je. xkisahla orang nk pk aku ape. aku yg rasa benda ni. bukan korg rasa. so kalau nak judge aku silakan la.

lama dah nak rant. n i did it the night before my last exam of my undergraduate.