juggled thoughts

bismillah. salamualaykum.

ok at this stage, there are so many things I wanted to jot down, remember, like, so many times in my life I wished that I have an electronic blogger so that I can jot down my thoughts.

firstly, Masum was a, GREAT memory. I mean, the trainings were hell. literally hell, both physically mentally, emotionally. I broke down before the game sebab coach couldn't understand my blablabla. But what I wanted to remember the most is. I MAY NEVER BE THIS FIT EVER AGAIN. I mean, like, I LOVE my body now. It's as fit as a horse. A toned, horse. A toned, flexible horse. I love how I can stretch, take my wuduk, and lift my legs as if it was only sticks. I love my arms, somewhat lightly muscular. I love my abs, tak ada lemak menggelebeh. I don't know if I'll ever have these ever again. And I swear maintaining them at home, is pure hard work and even more determination. All I do is get up at 9 and start my day with stretches, lying on my bed until 11 and then I watch tv, eat cheesecakes, and lunch and I don't jog. lool.

oh and that gold we won, made me the instant kampong hero. it was a great feeling. having all these people like, 'yana champ masum dow.' meant a lot for me. and I have to thank Munny/ Mun Mun, basketball extraordinaire, she's national btw. and she is humble, smart and a great person. SHE asked me to STAY. and she persuaded me that.. MASUM, is WORTH it. her sister, is cute, funny and really carefree. pei jie is this handsome adorable, laichi caring and thoughtful and a GREAT teammate, and I HAVE to tell you about Nabilah. she might as well be the best player/person in the whole team. She started basketball at zero. and agreed to the hell-ish training by Ah Sir. (And I do MEAN the Hell-ish training. Suicide 3x, sprint 3x, SLIDES 3x, 100 pts, game, 20 pushup, 20 situp PER SESSION.) anyways, she started out at zero. and she was originally the ONLY malay to stick with the whole Chinese team. until anty and I came along. she was the best, if not as equally great to mun2, person I knew during masum season. they gave me chills and great memories for me before going to UK..

speaking of which, GLASGOW.

People ask me if I'm afraid. I say, i'm not. But I actually am. its just that, being afraid has no point. I have to do it anyway. I AM afraid. of loneliness, of awkwardness, of grades, lecturers, these mat sallehs, my house, living alone, toilets without getah, the whole package. but I cant stay here. they say everything is here. my family, friends, maybe other half.. but frankly, nothing IS for me here. its both. I don't know how to explain this but its like calling for me to go there. I can just pray that Allah will take care of me all the way. I don't know what im gonna do, who im gonna meet, where, when.. its all sort of bleary and somewhat clear that I have to go there. but I don't want to. but I have no where to go.  to sum the whole feeling, I hope and pray that I'm going to be alright.