heartbroken

i dont know how to start off.why im writing at 1246 in the morning at home.id usually be in bed by now.at this rate, i dont care who would read this.i probably would the next morning but i guess this could be a reminder of how heartbroken i feel right now.

ever feel like ur a second priority in a person's life?my relationship with someone started of so good, so well, it was so perfect i cannot belive it's real. heck, sometimes, i smile to myself, sometimes, when i'm with this special person, the moment is so perfect, i feel sad cuz i know i may never feel that same way ever again.

but i know relationships are bound to hit the rocks sometime.every relationship will have some flaw in it. i kept waiting and waiting and for almost a year, i found it.

almost a year, i expected to hurt and i kept getting ready for it. it happens in every relationship and i told myself, why should this one be any different? i kept myself busy the whole time. i changed, i went through hard times and good times, and through it all, this guy has always been on my subconscious mind. and as much as it old myself when the time comes, i wouldnt hurt so much, tonight, it did.

then, i knew that i really really really like this person.:(

because my heart hurts so much, because im a fool for letting myself go again and again.am i a fool that it hurts so much i cant sleep?i guess some songs really tell the truth that when it hurts so much, u cant sleep.

its been almost 4 years i havent written about my feelings for a person.the last time i did, i cried.i thought i had grew into a different person where im able to express my feelings by voice.i guess i havent changed much. i wish he read this.i know he'd never would. i wish he would know how hurt it must have been for me. i wish he know that im not that strong, that i am just as fragile as any other girls. i wish that he knows that as much as im that happy noisy girl, i have a heart inside.

i wish i never fell in love with him.i wish i never chose to be vulnerable.this hurts so much, its almost physical.i wish i can turn back time.i wished and wished for so many things not to happen but it did.i know there's a reason for everything.maybe its not meant to be.i wished i never shared so much..i wish he knew that im just as fragile.

anak ayah kuat.anak azmi kuat, dy xkn jatuh hati dengan senang the next time.buat ayah bangge.jaga ayah.i'm sorry for being vulnerable ayah.