jiwa baq ang

bismillah. salam

I have, a problem.

So does everybody else on the planet so who cares? Aha... err.. I don't know..... *mati akal*

Aaaanyways. Imma turnin' 24 this year. Yeep. Big year huh. 24. Graduating. Aaaaand, Imma planing to do my Masters overseas. Somewhere in Scotland. Or UK. Where I can pretend to be British and eat bland bread all day long. (omg mesti aku rindu nasi kampung)

Yesss.. Mhmm.. Imma that smart sexy and funny girl you've always wanted. I'm witty, smart, athletic, cute, funny, don't have high maintenance, bitchy (brutally honest) and deep inside, I'm just longin' for that TLC (Tender Lovin' Care) which means I can be tough and rough on the outside, jumpin' here and there and saying things that offends the entire human population BUT what I really want is just some of that LOVE.

Like, takperlu lah aku post on Facebook tellin' everyone I'm actually polite at home, a caring sister, an obedient daughter at home. And It isn't really necessary to tell everyone that sometimes, being 24, and having your timeline full with wedding crap, you feel lonely and keep on wondering when it is gonna be YOUR wedding pictures on the internet.

So, to sum it off, (incredibly annoying) I am:

• Smart, athletic, witty, funny, cute, really honest
• Speaks and writes exceptional English and Malay (mind you)
• Obedient, loving, caring and polite (at times)
• Also REALLY forgetful, easily annoyed, easily irritated, INCREDIBLY loud
• Puji diri. It is now a habit. An annoying one
• Gets emo easily, cries easily, is afraid of watching ghost blablabla, can get really whiny when afraid
• Bitchy 

And, now, with all these qualities, I'm not really sure if I'm gonna score than guy I like. Furthermore (ayat essay) family aku yang macam architects/dr/prof/CEO/GM blablabla macam, tanak laki naik moto punya style. 

But I like guys on bikes. Ya know what I mean?

I like down to earth guys, easy simple guys, low maintenance guys with brains, heart and that street-smart quality. You don't get street-smart people when they are raised in a wealthy family environment. I like guys like my guy-friends. Luke, Fakhri, Pokmi, Pokyam, Abah. Simple, lepak kedai kopi, mandi sungai/pantai, boleh hidup 30-50 ringgit seminggu, berjimat, hard-working and conservative. But I also would very much like them to meet up to my family's standards like:

• able to speak good English (Uci)
• can be a good Imam & religious (Ma)
• smart, street-smart (Ayah)
• Good looking (Makcudah)
• Bright, (witty) Smart, Good earning, No-motorcycle (Maklong)
• Conservative principled (Paklong)

I love my family. And as of now, their thought counts. And Imma family-oriented so, their choice also counts. But so far, ALL the guys I've liked NEVER met their standards. And I worry that I'll NEVER find that oh-so-ohsem guy that can be both down-to-earth and at the same time, set the earth on fire with his awesomeness (standard family aku).

I know I shouldn't worry. Sebab Allah dah tentukan siapa jodoh aku. But you're 24 man! You can't kid yourself! And again! Those. stupid. wedding. updates! And Im leaving the country in September (hopefully) and Imma gonna be all alone. And Imma gonna want that TLC from that manly guy I've always wanted and God I'll be so lonely. 

Oooooh Tuhan. It's 5.48 am in the morning. I've been up since 4. And I pray so hard that, You give me that man, that man I deserve, that man that can blend in perfectly with my family, with me. And I swear I'm tired of telling this to Hajar and Fiq. And I swear please O' Allah bless their souls for being so perfectly patient for listening to me countless of times. And It's kinda pointless putting it here cuz Allah knows already what's in my heart. But screw it, someone, anyone might read. and might wanna suggest like, 'sian Yana. eh aku ada kenal dot.dot.dot. boleh rekomen' 

Mana tahu.

I shouldn't worry. I should stop worrying. And start praying. And put this ALL behind me. And start focusing on that overseas thingy. And Imma gonna set this world on fire. So dear, guy-thingy-perfect man on earth, please find me. I'm tired of singin' love songs in the toilet and dreaming of weddings and honeymoon 2/3 times per week. I promise I'll focus on my studies. Become smarter, wiser, more patient and start remembering more. And start cooking.